Hiatus

I took a break...

The weeds grew in the garden. The gazebo project didn't get finished. My blotanical blogger ranking moved up. (Now how does that happen?)

I'm often afraid of letting go. I push and push and then I run out of steam. The house doesn't get cleaned. I stop writing. I don't check e-mails religiously. I don't keep track of food shopping. (We ran out of ketchup this week! UGH! That's a hard one in this house.) I feel like I'm losing control and only when I let the everyday activities slip through my fingers can I regain composure.

Why do I garden? Do I garden because I enjoy it or because I need to do it? If I don't keep up with it, the plants will turn into a jungle. My yard will be like everyone else's, even though they expect more when they come to visit because I AM a gardener. Don't they expect spectacular things from me? When I start to worry about the final result of the gardening, it isn't fun anymore. And if it isn't fun, what's the point?

We had bouts of nasty weather last week and school vacation started for my daughter two weeks ago. I didn't feel like writing, gardening or keeping my routine. I read. I even read fiction. It was such a wonderful guilty treat. Reading any kind of fiction to me is like many people's views of reading romance novels, I imagine. (I haven't read a romance novel since I was 15...not that I have anything against it.) I spend most of my time reading non-fiction - gardening books, history, biography...I've been reading Sophie Kinsella's wonderful Shopaholic series. I've played Barbies. I even baked a pie. ("What. Melissa bake?" Those who know me well may not believe it. I really do on occasion, but generally food preparation gets in the way of real life.)

I received a lovely letter in the mail yesterday telling me that my book proposal is beautiful, but this particular publisher wouldn't be able to market it properly. Last week, I attended the retirement party of a former boss -- one of my most admired bosses of all time -- and was asked by his assistant to consider taking his place. I was truly honored. Real life was knocking at the door. It was telling me that good things are ready to happen. It has finally stopped raining in NH. So, the gazebo was finished yesterday. The gardens are just about weeded...I'm refreshed...

Hiatus over.